Loved this one so much-- that story of your professor's innate knowing of the end of the story spoke to me in class and has definitely stuck with me. I think the personal fantasy I write toward is that my family all joins me in a boat of truth and authenticity, and we row together toward a shared understanding of the generational traumas we've been dealt; that's not how it's happening, in reality or in my nonfiction writing, but even with my memoir squarely about these dynamics, the hope of one day welcoming another member of my family into that boat persists. It's like a little flame kept alive somewhere in my prose.
OK my fav lip product of yester-year was also MAC-- their smoked purple matte lipstick had me in an indescribable chokehold for like two years. I recently found a lipgloss I LOVE and kinda wanna gatekeep it because it was so cheap and I'm scared they'll raise the price (lol) but it's Exa's All Smiles Lip Oil. Sooo good.
I love, and also so long for this image of the boat. Thank you so much for sharing that. I love the idea of keeping the flame alive for ourselves in the writing.
Ooof, every time you publish, you write what I need to read. I'm trying to figure out where it is I want a story to go and I hadn't given myself permission to write into the fantasy of what I wish was different, the moments I didn't get. Also, I can smell the MAC and feel it sticking to my lips (I was also a Nymphette gal). My comfort product is Maybelline Great Lash and/or Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers. The Vanilla Cupcake glittery gloss used to make me feel terribly grown up, and that mascara was my the first product I was hopelessly devoted to. Thanks for writing this. Also looking forward to The Heart Of The Novel!
Junior year of high school my cousin and I were flying to Florida for spring break and in the semi-fresh post-911 air travel landscape, the tube of lipglass in my purse was considered a hazard. The TSA agent insisted it was a prohibited liquid and would not let it pass, even though it was clearly the consistency of frozen molasses. The color was a long-discontinued icy pink called Chapeau--close to Oyster Girl, but with more depth--that I've been in trying in vain to dupe since 2006. It was my absolute favorite.
There was no way I was sacrificing it to the TSA.
I broke from the security line and in a flash of reckless inspiration buried the tube in a potted plant in the airport lobby. I didn't really expect it to be there when we got back--surely this was illegal, and visible on camera--but I had to try.
But lo and behold. There it was, a week later. Right where I'd left it, nestled into the roots of a large waxy fern. Speaking volumes about the rigors of airport security.
After I finished the tube and learned it got discontinued, I started looking for a replacement and discovered...Nymphette! Which became my signature color that I've repurchased regularly for the past 18 years. It's funny because I've also recently given it up on account of clean beauty and whatever, but you know what? I'm 99.8% sure clean beauty is a scam (I know, I know..) and not a single color or formula even comes close. That sticky sweet concoction of shimmering golden sunlight just hits different.
"I don’t know what’s in them and right now I don’t care. They are shiny AF. I needed a little shine." 💖
This created such a revelation for me and my writing. I’ve written two books and never realized both of them are working with some form of personal fantasy in the end for me.
Wrote a long comment that got deleted about a tiny star-shaped lip gloss from The Limited Too that seemed as integral as Lipglass when I was eleven. (Very much “we have Lipglass at home.”) Thank you for writing this. We all need a little shine. 💛
I'm sorry about the grief hole, Chelsea. They are so rough but it's so VALID to buy a nostalgic lipgloss in the midst of one. SO VALID. Our early aughts makeup was probably 100% toxic but goddamn, it was the best! I used to spend hours in the Walmart makeup aisle reading every package, touching every sample. Pure heaven.
Def going to consider personal fantasy in my writing moving forward. It feels like it could almost be another form of inner child work, tbh!
As always, making me cry in the best way. Personal fantasy, redemption. It’s always so palpable in your work and life, Chels. Love this post and you so much. Oh Baby never worked on me either xx
Loved this one so much-- that story of your professor's innate knowing of the end of the story spoke to me in class and has definitely stuck with me. I think the personal fantasy I write toward is that my family all joins me in a boat of truth and authenticity, and we row together toward a shared understanding of the generational traumas we've been dealt; that's not how it's happening, in reality or in my nonfiction writing, but even with my memoir squarely about these dynamics, the hope of one day welcoming another member of my family into that boat persists. It's like a little flame kept alive somewhere in my prose.
OK my fav lip product of yester-year was also MAC-- their smoked purple matte lipstick had me in an indescribable chokehold for like two years. I recently found a lipgloss I LOVE and kinda wanna gatekeep it because it was so cheap and I'm scared they'll raise the price (lol) but it's Exa's All Smiles Lip Oil. Sooo good.
<3
I love, and also so long for this image of the boat. Thank you so much for sharing that. I love the idea of keeping the flame alive for ourselves in the writing.
Ooof, every time you publish, you write what I need to read. I'm trying to figure out where it is I want a story to go and I hadn't given myself permission to write into the fantasy of what I wish was different, the moments I didn't get. Also, I can smell the MAC and feel it sticking to my lips (I was also a Nymphette gal). My comfort product is Maybelline Great Lash and/or Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers. The Vanilla Cupcake glittery gloss used to make me feel terribly grown up, and that mascara was my the first product I was hopelessly devoted to. Thanks for writing this. Also looking forward to The Heart Of The Novel!
Oh Amy!!! thank you!! I’m so grateful for your readership! xoxox
BEST LIPGLOSS IN THE GAME!! But also, this whole meditation was deeply generative and helpful, thank you for writing it
omg thank you!!!!! and yes, it can't be denied, lipglass forever
Junior year of high school my cousin and I were flying to Florida for spring break and in the semi-fresh post-911 air travel landscape, the tube of lipglass in my purse was considered a hazard. The TSA agent insisted it was a prohibited liquid and would not let it pass, even though it was clearly the consistency of frozen molasses. The color was a long-discontinued icy pink called Chapeau--close to Oyster Girl, but with more depth--that I've been in trying in vain to dupe since 2006. It was my absolute favorite.
There was no way I was sacrificing it to the TSA.
I broke from the security line and in a flash of reckless inspiration buried the tube in a potted plant in the airport lobby. I didn't really expect it to be there when we got back--surely this was illegal, and visible on camera--but I had to try.
But lo and behold. There it was, a week later. Right where I'd left it, nestled into the roots of a large waxy fern. Speaking volumes about the rigors of airport security.
After I finished the tube and learned it got discontinued, I started looking for a replacement and discovered...Nymphette! Which became my signature color that I've repurchased regularly for the past 18 years. It's funny because I've also recently given it up on account of clean beauty and whatever, but you know what? I'm 99.8% sure clean beauty is a scam (I know, I know..) and not a single color or formula even comes close. That sticky sweet concoction of shimmering golden sunlight just hits different.
"I don’t know what’s in them and right now I don’t care. They are shiny AF. I needed a little shine." 💖
as you know i could not love this any more.
This created such a revelation for me and my writing. I’ve written two books and never realized both of them are working with some form of personal fantasy in the end for me.
Kasia, this is so wonderful to hear! I got chills. Can't wait to read what you're busy writing <3
Yet another drop everything and read moment for me!!!
Wrote a long comment that got deleted about a tiny star-shaped lip gloss from The Limited Too that seemed as integral as Lipglass when I was eleven. (Very much “we have Lipglass at home.”) Thank you for writing this. We all need a little shine. 💛
I'm sorry about the grief hole, Chelsea. They are so rough but it's so VALID to buy a nostalgic lipgloss in the midst of one. SO VALID. Our early aughts makeup was probably 100% toxic but goddamn, it was the best! I used to spend hours in the Walmart makeup aisle reading every package, touching every sample. Pure heaven.
Def going to consider personal fantasy in my writing moving forward. It feels like it could almost be another form of inner child work, tbh!
As always, making me cry in the best way. Personal fantasy, redemption. It’s always so palpable in your work and life, Chels. Love this post and you so much. Oh Baby never worked on me either xx
Love this post and love you. Also I can *smell* this post thanks to the Mac glass.