The perfect winter book, on not abandoning the self, and the gift of beauty...water

Julie Myerson broke my heart and expanded my soul and I refuse to be casual about it. Also, a product that really "works" and the psychology book that re-ordered my brain.

Hello Constant Readers (as Stephen King so sweetly says—he has my heart, what can I say, I wanted to try it out…)

We have made it to February and it feels commemorative. Many—by the vibes on instagram, are not fans of January. I relate, trust me, I do. As someone who was absolutely flummoxed upon moving to this sometimes mercilessly cloudy city of Portland thirteen years ago, I had to make my own peace with winter and it turns out—as I said to my dear friend Amber recently—exercise “holds me in the living position.” But it’s true. Living here forces me to think about how I approach seasons with more intention, and now I know when the winter comes I up the feel-good cardio, I swim as much as I can, and there’s really no downplaying D3.

This month in the pacific northwest we had a historic-level ice storm that kept us housebound for five days straight and turned all roads and sidewalks into an ice rink. Being inside to that capacity brought me back into pandy-time feelings with my kids, all of us a little on edge with school cancelled, playing endless board games and eating weird meals because we didn’t have the wherewithal to hit the grocery store properly before we were locked the hell inside. But then, like the other bizarre events I’ve mothered through in recent years, it lifted and we went back to “normal”. I have thought a lot this month about what is asked of mothers in our day and age, and it seems like certainly more than those 80’s and 90’s moms, right? Ha, I don’t know, I’m not looking for a fight. I don’t really fall prey to the fantasy that mothers have ever had it easy.

A quick housekeeping thing—going forward I am offering paid subscriptions. Some of you were so lovely to pledge support from day one, and I am beyond grateful for your faith in me and interest in what I might come up with on this platform. Because of the nature of how personal my posts get, and how personal I plan to get in upcoming posts, I do want to strike some internal balance in terms of the paywall and the offering of highly personal work. I don’t want to abandon myself and give the goodies away for free, you know? (More on that below!) I will still be offering free content, but from here forth, my more personal writing, like what follows in this post, will be for paid subscribers. Thank you for considering supporting this substack in that way and seeing my work as worthy of support. I am eternally grateful for this beautiful platform and this way to connect with you.